Screaming under water!

What happens when you scream underwater?

Screaming underwater is what I do when trying to surface in a new reality.

I try to find the appropriate pathways but they are not necessarily the same as those I intuitively follow…………so inside my mind I scream.

I feel that I’m drowning and no one knows… just now at this moment the words of a song come to my mind… I never understood what these words meant…. Drowning not waving.   Now I “get it”.

It is the position we feel inside when we try to communicate and our efforts aren’t seen . Is this why some autistic children cease to speak or never speak? What is unseen, unspoken and unheard is the exhausting efforts autistics make to adapt, fit in and accomodate non-autistics only to be judged as being inflexible, un cooperative and much more…. how can we turn the light on and reveal our undercurrents, our whirlpools and our building waves that carry not only us but others too to undiscovered shores?

The difficulty is finding the correct pathways, not alluding to mental pathways but cultural pathways… people have different emphases on things and some people’s minds race ahead of where they are at to where they want to go and drop off a cliff. Other people slip and slide around those pathways and then find the track has been ripped out from under their feet just as they were beginning to get that grip.

Does the latter happen when parents speak and assume their children understand not only the words but also the grammar, syntax and significance of what is being communicated without tuning in to the child, the novice in  acquiring  language a ” common” language? Does the child miss the chance to commence walking on that path to wait for another opportunity… but what if  as he/she goes to plant a foot on that path as it disappears and is replaced by something else?

It  requires much patience  on behalf of parent/teacher and also student/child  etc  to progress to this common ground.   Perseverance! and a sense of authentic presence.

Not a half hearted attempt of flinging a few words and hoping they will land somewhere. The teacher becomes the student of the pupil in an attempt to know where interests lie, to get to know that person is a commitment when that person is autistic.

This blog is part of my tuition, the part where I’ll be learning to use ” tags’, but it is more than that it offers me a conscious insight as to what my mind is doing and also where my mind was racing ahead or slipping sideways . It is helping me to clarify intricacies of learning language as it were  ” from scratch” as Tech lingo is so different from my native or other acquired languages I’ve mastered and in doing my hope is get closer to knowing my Godson… who does not speak in words.

Jumping into the unknown ill-equipped is a gamble I have to take. Will I make it or remain screaming  under   water?

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