Overcoming transition apprehension…. hoping it works! A Work in Progress.
It has been ages, like almost two years since I spent some time in my art studio. I’ve been too apprehensive about returning to my art as such a transition may cause mental havoc on my return to working on Autism projects. I’ve things to do, to write on more academic aspects of autism and I’m frightened that if I embark upon my art I’ll find my return to Autism projects really difficult.
Why? Why difficult? Because it takes me quite some time to return to my mental bookmark… where I left off thinking, and it is quite possible that my break from that thought focus will enable a new perspective.
Good ! Yes Good but from past experience struggling to mentally retrieve all the ” bookmarks’ and weave the new perspective into context is both exciting and unnerving. I usually find this is so and in many ways it is really productive to break away into another passion. I return with fresh eyes.
Yep! I’m looking forward to jumping into paint. However, how can I jump in when I know I have other commitments to work on? You see when I jump in , I jump in, without such ideas as” for just a few days, weeks etc” it is either to jump or not. A whole brain shift/mind shift… for my brain doesn’t take a wander along the path of paint it is my mind and body. It is a physical and mental thing, it is also a strongly focused meditative thing once I get into the zone.
The zone! That magical place where and when there is no ” I” separate from paint,canvas. brushes, action …. the ” I’ ceases to exist, there is just ” being” ” creating”. Time ceases to exist!
I need this to feed my spirit, to replenish mind, body and spirit that becomes drained bringing about Burnout… a Shutdown, a teetering on the edge of Meltdown.Meltdowns are infrequent for me but Shutdowns, now they afford me respite, a break from the pressure of being super focused, for being in the place of ongoing ” giving’…. I become drained of energy, physical., mental, emotional and spiritual.
I’ve my toes in the ” water” having sorted stuff out in the studio, reacquainting myself with the submerged part of self… and once again I feel the juices surge as I approach the ‘ waist high water mark” that point where I dive in, test the waters of my inner self, and enter colour, texture, form and space as I express concretely the illusory ineffable.
A small piece I tell myself. A small piece will possibly feed my need and manifest in a complete form without a great passage of chronological time being passed. I just have to trust my inner self, plunge beneath the current mind flow and hope to emerge refreshed and ready to continue my Autism project.